I Must Still Be Dreamin'
by JacksDirtySecret
Summary: A short story inspired by the game storyline and Hancocks dialogue.
1. Chapter 1

I was tired.

So fucking tired. It was three in the morning, but there was no way I was stopping now. The Castle loomed in the distance, spotlights guiding my way. I gritted my teeth against the searing pain in my side. I felt half dead but I couldn't stop. Wouldn't.

I had stopped another catastrophe from destroying the Commonwealth. It was actually a little ridiculous how often this place was on the edge of total destruction. I was only twenty-nine. Not even fucking thirty, and I had already saved my little patch of world three times.

Though, I guess that wasn't true either. I was almost two hundred and thirty years old. But that's what happens when Vault-Tec throws you in a fucking freezer. Thinking of that vault made me think of Nate. I grimaced. What would he think of me now? Can't imagine he'd like who I'd become. Not for the first time, I wondered if there was an afterlife as I stumbled towards Fort Independence.

If there was a Heaven, my husband had watched in horror as I shot our son in the head with a railway rife. He watched while I set the Prydwen ablaze, knowing there might still be kids on it. He watched me carve my way through the wasteland with my machete, fueled by my rage at having my family stolen from me. For the millionth time, I wished that we had all died in Sanctuary Hills that day. At least we would have been together.

I stumbled over uneven gravel and fell flat on my face. The pain from my side was so sharp I almost puked up the purified water I had drank before I left The Mechanist sobbing over her mistakes in that stupid factory. I wasn't more than a hundred feet from The Castle but I just couldn't do it. It was pointless anyway. He probably wasn't even there.

Face down in the dirt, I wondered what Nate thought of me moving on. Or at least trying to. He probably wouldn't begrudge me of anything. He never had. He was a good man, my husband. Too good for this world. That scumbag had just stormed in and stole everything I ever loved, ending Nates life. I had watched my husband die, and could do nothing about it.

The synth in Covenant was the perfect replica of Nate when he was younger, but with my blue eyes. Those Institute scientists hadn't missed a single detail. From the exact shade of copper of his hair, to the sneaky dimples that only showed up when he was grinning. Don't get me wrong, I loved that kid. Deacon always groused about being a nursemaid but I needed someone to protect my son. Synth or not, he was all I had.

Well, sort of. But it hadn't ever really gone past harmless flirting. He probably had no interest in someone like me. Why should he? I was just some leftover from another time that spent her days killing people.

Preston wouldn't talk to me anymore, outside of official Minutemen business. I repulsed him. Blowing up all those people in the Institute, he just couldn't fathom it. And I couldn't explain. My son had enslaved an entire race of sentient beings, and then called my husband collateral damage. **HIS** **FATHER**! My husband was a fucking war hero that _died_ trying to protect his son. He wasn't collateral damage. But I never said that to anyone. Anyone except _him_ , of course.

I felt myself blacking out. Probably from blood loss, I guessed. That junkbot had exploded when I deactivated it. Definitely wasn't expecting that. I had dug a huge chunk of metal out of my side, the pain ten times what it should have been from the pretty gnarly looking burns I was sporting. I pressed my cheek to the ground, feeling the sharp little rocks bite into my skin and closed my eyes. I was so fucking tired.

The blissful darkness was creeping in fast and I smiled, the gravel digging into my face a little more. I couldn't even feel my side anymore. I was a little cold, but overall, not too bad. Deacon would take care of Shaun for me. In that moment, I was grateful to my son, for creating the synth that let me be a mother again. Even for a short time. Shaun's laughter as I showed him how to foxtrot, his bright smile as we bandaged up one of the cats legs. All the little moments flashed before my eyes, the first time he called me mom, the way he clung to me as I carried him out of the Institute, the way his nose scrunched up when he concentrated hard. Just like his father.

"Caroline?" Someone interrupted my pleasant memories. "Oh shit! Caroline!" I heard crunching coming towards me, but didn't have the energy to worry about who it was.

"Caroline, can you hear me? Caroline, it's me, it's Hancock." His voice sounded so urgent. The name cut through the fog. Hancock? He _was_ here! He hadn't left! With the last of my energy, I lifted up my head and looked at him through a curtain of my blond hair.

"John!" I croaked out in elation. My head was so heavy. So I put it down. But I was smiling.

"Let me get you up to the fort sweet thing, you're bleedin out on their lawn." He said, hoisting me up like I didn't weigh a thing. Guess being tiny had its advantages sometimes. My head flopped onto his shoulder and I knew I'd be okay with dying just like that. The darkness finally took me, but I really didn't mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Black eyes came into focus as I began to wake up. I smiled as his face came into view. Damn, I could stare at him all day. I'd been told that he was handsome before he ghoulified. But I couldn't imagine him being more gorgeous than he was right then.

"John!" I exclaimed softly.

"Don't mind me, just enjoying the view." He joked quietly, the smile I had grown to adore on his face.

"Where are we?" I asked, peering around. I didn't recognize my surroundings. It looked almost pre war. The furniture was in good shape, and the paintings on the walls looked new.

"We're in Curies room, in the castle. Nice, ain't it? She sweet talked MaCready into fixing everything up nice, and she's been painting up a storm." John laughed. "She insisted you take her room for the night."

I snorted. It didn't surprise me that she had taken up painting. Curie was enamored with every aspect of being human. She had tried singing, cooking, playing guitar and ballet. She had learned all I could teach her about ballet in a month. She was much better at it than I ever was. MaCready had taken one look at her practicing ballet and was on her like stink to a brahmin. It was nice to see him happy after hearing about Lucy.

I tried to sit up, only to fall back with a groan of pain.I had forgotten about my side.

"Easy there sweet thing, you're pretty busted up." Hancock warned, a little too late.

"Yeah. Robot exploded." I explained, trying to even out my breathing.

"Caroline, why didn't you stop somewhere to get treated?" He asked with a frown.

"I told you that I'd meet you here." I replied simply, shrugging my good shoulder.

"It coulda waited Caroline, shit! I wasn't goin anywhere. What was so damn important?" He sounded frustrated, which wasn't like him at all. His mouth was a grim line.

I just peered up at him with wide eyes. Because nothing was important, nothing was urgent. I just wanted to see him. "I- nothing I guess." I admitted, looking away.

He sighed. "Caroline, what am I gonna do with you?"

"Let me bleed out on a lawn?" I joked feebly. It had the opposite effect of what I'd hoped for.

"That shit's not funny!" He growled. "You take too many risks!" He got so close to my face, if he had still had a nose, we would be touching. "What would Shaun do without you, huh? What about me Caroline? Imagine how I'd feel, tripping over your damn corpse!"

My eyes had to be the size of saucers, because he retreated, rubbing between his eyes in frustration. "I'm sorry John. I just wanted to see you." I said softly, my cheeks feeling warm. I hated seeing him upset.

"Me? Why the hell would you wanna see me?" He asked, his hands thrown out in confusion.

My mouth was really dry, and I just gaped at him anxiously. I felt like a goldfish. I didn't know what to say. Because you're the only person I ever want to see? Because you see me for what I am and care anyway? Because with you, I'm whole, safe and happy? "Because I love you." Sweet mother Mary did I really just say that aloud?

Judging by his stunned look, I guessed that I did. "You _what_?" He asked.

"I, uh" I cleared my throat. "Have you ever thought about us as being maybe more than just friends?"

To my surprise, he laughed. "Ha! Am I that obvious? But come on, you don't want to wake up to this mug every morning. Wouldn't wish that on anyone I cared about." He rubbed at the back of his neck and looked embarrassed. I didn't think it was possible to fluster him.

"Don't be stupid. I'd be the luckiest girl in the world to see that smile every morning." I argued. He knew I hated when he ragged on himself. I gave him my best glare.

"Sweet Thing, you're crazy." He laughed again. "But I guess that works out for me, huh?" I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. Very maturely, I might add.

"Seriously Caroline." His gaze was intense again. "No one like me should be this lucky."

"I'm the lucky one John." I argued. He sat down next to me, shaking his head.

"You don't understand. Words can't begin to do it justice. You're the best thing that I got." He smiled at me, and I basked in the look on his face. I didn't want him to ever look at anyone else like that.

"You could lay here with me." I suggested, my eyebrows raised. I grinned widely and patted the space next to me.

He laughed again. God, I loved making him laugh. "I'm all yours." He promised quietly, wrapping himself around me carefully. He sighed deeply. It sounded content, but I wanted to make sure.

"Everything okay?" I asked as he settled his face against my neck.

"Sounds like someone's fishin for compliments." He chuckled. "I got you, what else could I need?"


	3. Chapter 3

"I do not, I do not know what to do!" Curie whispered frantically. "Nothing makes sense! I feel as if I cannot breathe!"

"You just... Shit Curie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this to you." MaCready sounded devastated and I smiled sympathetically from around the corner. Poor Mac.

"Peepin Sweet Thing?" I nearly jumped out of my skin when rough lips grazed my ear and the whispered words sent shivers down my spine. I turned my head to smile but he was already on the other side of me. He pressed a finger to his lips and winked.

"No no! You do not understand! I wish for this! But I cannot... I cannot understand what I am feeling. I am afraid." Curie was uncharacteristically flustered as she yelped her confessions at the former merc.

"Curie, you're just, you're just nervous. I think." Mac supplied hesitantly.

I decided to make my appearance. "Hey Mac! Big day today?" I asked cheerfully. He looked up at me and beamed, the worry falling from his face with practiced ease. I wondered if he knew I could read him like a book.

"Hey Caroline! Glad to see you on your feet!" He replied with a winning grin.

"Shaun should be here any minute." I said conversationally, flipping through my pipboy screens.

"Oh!" Curie gasped. "Caroline! You are a mother!" Her green eyes were the size of saucers.

I raised my eyebrows and gave her a quick nod. "Mhm." I said.

"What do your duties as a mother entail?" She asked very seriously. Sometimes, Curie was a trip. She had never outgrown her desire to learn absolutely everything.

"Well, lots of things." I said with a semi helpless shrug. "Making sure Shaun is safe, happy and healthy."

"Security, quality of life and medical care? Robert! These are things I am very adept at! I am capable! I am qualified!" Curie seemed elated, her eyes were shining and her cheeks were flushed.

"Never doubted ya for a second _mon amour_." Mac said quietly, a silly smile on his face. His blue eyes never wavered from hers and I felt like I was intruding on a private moment until Curie turned to me.

"Will you guide me? I do so wish to be a very good mother!" She asked, anxiety creeping back into her voice.

"You're gonna do just fine little sister." John spoke for the first time in the course of the conversation and Curie beamed at him.

"Do you truly think so Monsieur Hancock?" She asked earnestly.

"You bet. You're a great aunt to Shaun, aren't ya?" John asked with a grin.

I hadn't thought it was possible for Curie to be more excited. "Oh!" She gasped, bouncing a little. "I am a very good aunt! j'adore mon bébé synthé ! He is so sweet!"

"There ya go." He exuded such calm and confidence. I couldn't help but stare at him adoringly. His ebony eyes caught mine and I hid behind my blond hair, feeling shy.

"Duncan is arriving today?" I asked Mac, distracting myself from total humiliation.

"He was supposed to be here yesterday." MaCready looked a little anxious again. "Daisy musta run into some problems."

"Daisy can handle herself Mac." I assured him, touching his forearm lightly. He took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah." He agreed. "She's a tough ol gal."

"She could kick my ass! Fahrenheit had to save me once." John laughed. "Popped off my mouth and before I could even blink, I was on the ground with a shotgun pressed to my forehead."

Now it was my turn to have wide eyes. "What did you say to upset her?" I asked. I couldn't picture Daisy angry.

John chuckled. "I don't actually remember. But I do know that when we were alone, Fahrenheit smacked me in the back of the head and said I deserved it."

"Mom!" I swung around, just in time to see Shaun break away from Deacon and come galloping at me.

I raced towards him, my arms open. I met him halfway and squeezed him to me like I had just found him all over again. My baby was with me again. I ran my fingers through his copper hair and smothered his face in kisses.

"Mom!" He laughed, pulling away to wipe his face. "Jeez mom, I missed you too."

"Did you have fun with Deacon baby?" I asked, smoothing his hair to the side. He ducked away from my fussing to greet Curie, Mac and John. I hadn't even noticed them walk up.

"I had a great time Mom, I always do. We go on missions!" He told me patiently. "Hey Aunt Curie! Have you been painting?"

"Hello Shaun! It is so good to see you! You must come visit us more often!" Curie exclaimed, folding him into a hug. Curie showed extra care with my baby because she knew he was a synth too. "Uncle Robert has very exciting news for you!"

Mac smiled, his expression soft as he looked at Curie with my little boy and I was pretty sure he was picturing her with Duncan. Shaun looked up at him expectantly and it snapped him out of it. "Yeah! Good news bud. Remember how I told you I had a son? He's going to be here soon."

Shaun perked right up. "That's neat! How old is he again?" He asked.

"He turned seven last month." Mac said quietly. He looked almost sad. Now I wanted to hug MaCready. I knew the loss that he was feeling.

"He's a little younger than me. But don't worry, I'll keep him safe for ya Uncle RJ!" Shaun assured him, misinterpreting his sadness for concern. My sweet boy.

"Caravan headed our way General!" One of the Minutemen milling around announced suddenly. Mac and Curie looked like startled radstags. I was excited for a glimpse of the little boy I had been able to help.

"I'll go meet em, escort Daisy in." John offered, heading for the large doors of the fort.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the small boy Daisy marched over to Mac surprised me. He didn't look like his father at all. He was white as a ghost, with black hair and very dark brown eyes. He was thin, almost gaunt and he wasn't smiling.

"Hey Duncan." Mac's whisper broke the hush that had fallen over our little group.

The poor boy looked petrified, just staring up at his father with those almost black eyes, too afraid to move a muscle.

"What's happened to him?" MaCready asked Daisy in confusion. "Is he sick again? He's so thin."

Daisy frowned, her eyes narrowed. "They were gone MaCready. The Locketts were dead. I don't know how long he was alone."

"Oh my god!" Mac breathed in horror, staring at his son. "Duncan you're safe now!" He assured the small boy, grasping his upper arms. Duncan whimpered in fear and Mac recoiled as if he had been burned.

"MaCready, he wasn't alone when I found him." Daisy said softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, she looked at me and sighed.

"He made some friends a week before I got there. They've got the baby." Daisy informed me.

"Baby?" Curie asked. "An infant?"

"Yeah. Duncan wouldn't leave unless she came and these folks didn't wanna give her up so they came too." Daisy looked tired as she explained.

"Why don't you rest up Daisy? We can handle it from here." I offered with a sympathetic smile. She nodded gratefully.

"Holy shit." John intoned as Daisy made her way to the barracks.

"Hmm?" I asked absently. I didn't need an answer though. A tiny woman with wild strawberry blond curls was making her way towards us, a toddler on her hip. Behind her was the biggest ghoul I had ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

-AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Flashbacks are underlined. Hope you're all having fun.

"Charon!" Mac gasped. He looked absolutely stunned. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Who?

"Holy sh-crap! Emma!" He muttered, staring at them in shock. I looked at Curie, but she looked as confused as I felt.

"MacCready?" The woman called as soon as she was within earshot.

"Emma?" He called back, squinting in the sun, shading his eyes with his hand.

She handed the baby to the large ghoul and bound forward to embrace Mac. "Oh my god! It _is_ you! All grown up!" She pulled back to look at him, her hands grasping his upper arms. She spotted Duncan in Curies arms and made a delighted sound. She cupped Macs cheek and made a clucking sound. "Oh MacCready he's beautiful. I can't believe you're a daddy."

"Going on seven years now." Mac said with a small smile, ducking his head.

"Seven years!" The redhead gasped. "He's so tiny! MacCready that would have made you, what, sixteen?!"

"Fifteen." Mac corrected quietly.

"You left early? Why? You were safe!" Emma scolded. John caught my eyes and I shrugged.

"Kid stuff, I guess." Mac said with a shrug. "It was worth it."

"I'm so glad to have stumbled on them when we did. From the state of the people he'd been living with, I'd guess that the little guy had been taking care of Adeline by himself for about two weeks." Emma told Mac sadly.

"Aww god." Mac rubbed his face, looking at his son sadly.

"Is... Is Adeline yours too?" Emma seemed hesitant.

Mac shook his head. "No, just Duncan. Truth be told, I don't know where she came from. I didn't even know she existed." He admitted.

"Did you hear that gorgeous?" Emma asked the large ghoul. He nodded once and the small redhead beamed up at him. She looked so pleased.

"Well, since Mac is rude, guess I'll take to introducing myself." John interrupted. "I'm John Hancock, Mayor of Goodneighbor." He nodded his head at me. "That's Caroline Avery, General of the Minutemen. Before ya ask, yes she's older than me but I love her anyway." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm afraid I don't know what any of that means, but we're pleased to meet you all the same." Emma offered me her hand, and I took it with a smile. She did the same with John and giggled when he kissed her knuckles.

"Charon isn't very talkative, but he's pleased too." Emma informed us.

I looked up at the large man curiously. He had milky blue eyes, which must have been something to behold before his ghoulification. He was enormous, and the hair that he had left was a brilliant auburn. Something about him seemed so familiar. He peered down at me, scrutinizing me.

"Second Battalion, one hundredth and eighth infantry regiment." He said suddenly. "Nate Avery. Not every soldier runs away."

"Ethan!" I gasped. Words I had said two centuries ago echoed by the man I had spit them at angrily. I hadn't seen Ethan Michaels since we were teenagers! He had dumped me right after he got out of boot camp. He had gone into special forces, and I had started dating Nate, who went into Infantry.

"What?" Emma asked, staring up at Ethan in alarm. I wondered why she called him Charon. "How do you know that name? Who are you?" Her hand was on a gauss rifle, and my hand found the machete at my side. Being out in the wastes had taught me a few things, but mainly: draw first.

"He went to boot camp with my husband." I told her. Didn't seem like a good idea to tell her that I had taken her boyfriends virginity.

"Looking pretty good for being over two hundred years old." Emma said suspiciously.

"I was cryogenically frozen in a vault, my whole family was." I informed her. Her hand dropped from her weapon, so I followed suit. The frown on her face was knowing.

"Avery is alive?" Ethan asked, his eyes narrowed.

"No. He died about sixty years ago." I told him with a slight frown. He nodded once.

"I-" Emma stopped. "Well I'm confused." I just nodded and stared up at Michaels. He had been such a sweetheart when we were younger. All jokes and smiles. He looked like he hadn't smiled in a very long time.

"We should get the children out of the sun." Curie said, bringing me back to the present.

"Absolutely. Where are my manners? Please, come in and rest. You've had a long journey." I agreed, leading our group inside. Curie and Mac took Duncan to their room as I showed Emma and Ethan where they could bunk down.

Emma thanked me, and took the baby from Ethan who peered at me thoughtfully. She settled in with the baby, and I pointed to the bunk next to her that he could take.

"It's good to see you again Carrie." He growled. I ducked my head and smiled. Nobody else had ever called me that. Only Ethan.

"It's good seeing you too, Ethan." I told him quietly.

"Keep your chin up doll, it'll only be a little while." He replied with a smirk. My head shot up as I smiled at him. It had been so long, but he still remembered.

"A minute's too long." I laughed. I threw my arms around him and he squeezed me back. And for just a moment, it was 2075 again.

"See you soon Carrie." He told me and I nodded with a sad smile. I was glad to see him, but it looked like he'd been through hell and back to get here. I made my way to my room, my mind occupied with old memories.

I could feel Johns eyes on me, but he didn't say anything until I settled into my private bunk in the armory. He stood by me, scrutinizing me with those ebony eyes.

"You okay?" I asked, scooting over to make room for him. He didn't move.

"What was all that about?" He asked. He fidgeted with the flag around his waist.

"With Ethan? I dated him before I married Nate. In fact, I met Nate through him. He was my high school sweetheart. I was crazy about him." I said with a small smile. Flashes of formal dances and football games flew through my mind. I really had been. I told all my friends freshman year that I was going to marry Ethan Michaels. I had been crushed when he came back and broke up with me. I couldn't understand. I would have waited forever, but he would hear none of it.

 _"You don't love me anymore?" I wailed, twisting my red and white polka dot dress in my hands in anguish._

 _"Of course I love you Carrie! I love you more than anything. You know that!" Ethan insisted, his hands clasping mine._

 _"Then why? Why Ethan?" I cried, tears streaming down my face._

 _"I'm sorry doll, just the way it's gotta be. Maybe not forever though. But I don't want you waitin around. You deserve a real nice fella." He told me sadly._

 _"You're the only one for me Ethan!" I wailed, as he shook his head and walked away. "Ethan no! Ethan please! Wait!"_

 _He didn't_.

"And here he is, two hundred years later." John said, a grim smile on his face, jolting me out of my memories. And then it clicked. He was _**jealous**_.

"And here _you_ are, in my room. Just standing there, not helping me get my pants off." I replied, my eyebrows raised, wiggling my left leg in the air.

He smiled outright, and tossed his hat onto the dresser. "Well, I'm a little crazy, but I'm not dumb. There's no way you're healed up enough for the things I want to do to you." He crawled into the bed next to me, and stared at me with a soft smile. I shivered in delight as my imagination kicked into overdrive. I rolled onto my side so that we were facing one another.

"Well that's just not fair." I pouted. "The most gorgeous man I've ever seen and I can't even get him naked."

"Shoulda seen me with skin Sweet Thing." He laughed.

I shook my head. "You're perfect the way you are John." I insisted, brushing my fingertips along his jaw.

"Yeah? Well, you haven't had to see me all at once. Ain't what you'd call pretty." He closed his eyes as I stroked his cheek.

"Are you kidding me? I'm over here begging for it and you're worried about some stitches!" I snorted.

His eyes opened and he shook his head. "You're my kind of crazy Sweet Thing."


End file.
